My husband and I were talked the other day about something that had to be done and I was listening but not interested. I told him I don’t really care about the process or the details. I want to see the finished product. We kept talking about whatever it was we were talking about and went on with our day.
He has come back to what I said about only liking the finished product a few times over the past month. He keeps saying that it was very telling when I said that. Things make sense now. Why I rush through things. I rush through almost everything because I just want it done.
I didn’t know why this mattered so much and figured that was justifying, in his mind, why I am so impatient. It can be a simple conversation, my exercise in the morning, going to the grocery store, cleaning the house and the list goes on and on. No matter what it is he realized that I don’t like all of the steps involved-I just want it to be done.
Now I’ll take you to this week where I am getting ready for the weekend because we are having my husband’s cousins and their families up. We will have a full house. All the beds and random spaces for air mattresses will be in use.
Sidebar: Most men don’t understand or appreciate the planning that goes into a weekend like this. The house has to be clean, beds have to be flipped, meal planning has to occur to alleviate mass confusion with a group this size, sleeping arrangements figured out, parking, arrival times, groceries from 3 different places. The list could go on and on but you get my drift. Oh and all of this is done when I am extremely busy at work. And making sure I eat well. And getting time to exercise. You know how it feels, right?
So, like the true OCD person that I am, I create a document with a grid of sleeping arrangements because we have some people at our house and some at our cousin’s lake house down the street from us.
I write out what we are doing for meals, how many people we will have between the two houses, who is bringing what food, alcohol, paper products, etc.
I showed the list to my husband and while I think he was impressed he was also probably a bit scared. I’m sure the list didn’t surprise him because he knows how my mind works. The process of ‘getting ready’ and planning is too much until I truly write it out and know what I have to get done. Then it’s manageable. But I still just want it done. Some people may be okay waiting until what I consider ‘the las minute’ to figure things out but I need to know it is all done and in place. Then I am fine.
So why does this all matter? If I only focus on the end product of getting all of this done I will miss the joy of what I am doing. We are having our family up; we are going to have so much fun. Memories will be made, funny moments will be had and you know what? If I don’t appreciate ‘the process’ I will miss part of the joy.
I traveled after work the other night to Costco, Trader Joes and Target. Based on where we live that’s a 45-50-minute drive one way. I had to have my list ready for each place and get food for the weekend, make sure I had the food I wanted for me and I had some other random gifts and things to do because I was also planning a retirement party for one of my leaders at work. I wanted to get a baby gift for a great friend at work and a small gift for a team member who is moving into her first place today. Super exciting stuff!
My mind has been spinning this week with all I had to do and ‘getting through’ this shopping was one small piece of it all. I just wanted it all done. The house cleaned, gifts wrapped, cards written, groceries in and put away and the fridges cleaned out so there was plenty of space for what others would bring.
As I was driving from place to place last night I was randomly thinking about what my husband said. I just like the finished product. I realized that this connects to so many things in my life that I fret about. I get so focused on getting everything done that I don’t enjoy the process.
Now don’t get me wrong, I hate grocery shopping. Yes, I was always told growing up not to use this word. Hate is a strong word. Yes, I will use hate when it comes to anything and everything related to grocery shopping. I hate making a list. Going to different stores to get the types of products I want. Driving home. Unloading it all. Putting it away. I would pay to have someone do this for me. I will never be a person that loves to do this and I can learn to enjoy it more.
Why? Because this is part of the process. The process of having family and friends at the lake. I do this so that I am ready for the weekend.
Enjoying the process is not ever something that is going to be easy for me or come naturally. I’m working on it though.
So the other night I enjoyed the process. I stopped in a few random stores. Love me some Marshalls and the dollar store! Who knows what random things I can find!
I didn’t speed through Costco like my pants were on fire. I actually laughed with a mom who was singing to her baby and told her I was going to have that song stuck in my head all night and I did. Head, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes. You’re welcome. Now you can have that song in your head all day! J Thank me later!
I laughed with a guy and his wife who were taking random pictures with a huge champagne glass. If I was just trying to get to the finished process I would have been annoyed that they were having fun, or that their cart was in my way. Instead I made it more of an experience for myself.
I went to Dollar Tree and picked up some decorations and some Fruit Stripe gum (old school favorite from growing up!) and chatted with the cashier, Rhonda. She was trying to get all of my items in one bag and couldn’t make it work. She said she doesn’t like to have all of these bags when she shops and was trying to save me a trip. I laughed and told her that I am the same way. I will always ask for the bags to be packed as full as they can get them so I have fewer bags to carry in. I might break my back but at least I won’t have to truck up and down the stairs when I get home. Typically, when I was rushing through to the finished product I would be frustrated that Rhonda was talking to me. I have things to do, I have to get this done so I can make that long drive home, unpack, eat dinner, do some work. If I did that I would have missed out on that brief connection with Rhonda. The laughter was good for me. I need it. She probably did too.
I went to Trader Joes and perused the aisles and ran into an old colleague that used to work for me. We chatted for a few minutes, I checked out and had a great conversation with the employee. For those of you who have gone to Trader Joe’s before I think you know it’s impossible not to laugh and have fun in that store. The people are always so darn happy! Maybe it’s the Hawaiian shirts or the fact that they get to ring a bell at the register or give kids a lollipop and see that smile on their faces. Whatever it is, I love that place! And yep, I will sound like a broken record when I say-if I was just worried about the finished product I would have missed this too.
Last night I drove home and called my mom to let her know about some great things that had happened that day. I listened to some music and opened the sunroof to enjoy the summer breeze. We know it will be gone too soon!
When I got home I didn’t rush to get everything done. I got the boxes off the porch, thank you Amazon! Got the mail. Unpacked my overflowing car. Cleaned out the fridge. Made some dinner and did some work before bed.
Success! And not because of the finished product. Because I actually enjoyed the process.
I have realized as I reflect on what my husband said that I create my own misery sometimes. I am sure many of you can relate, right? I get so caught up in the little things that I forget to stop and realize that it’s really not that big of a deal. I make it worse than it really is.
Yes, I have a lot going on. Who doesn’t? Yes, I would rather stick a fork in my eye than grocery shop (yes that would hurt but did I tell you how much I hate grocery shopping?!?). I don’t know many people who enjoy it, get over it! Yes, my day started at 4:30 a.m. and ended at 9:00 p.m. So what?
I hope my husband doesn’t read this because I am going to say words that he just loves to hear. He was right. Yes, Mick-you were right. And I truly couldn’t thank you enough. You may not even realize how much that one thing you said has provided me with insight that I didn’t have before.
I am SO focused on the finished product that I become like the Tasmanian Devil sometimes trying to ‘get through my list’.
Does this mean I will ever truly love the process more than the finished product? No. I am wired in a certain way. We all are. My love for the finished product benefits me in many ways. I am extremely organized, efficient, have a high capacity for getting things done. And yes, I do need to remember to slow down sometimes and take it all in.
I have to keep a balance between doing and being. I won’t regret that I didn’t get my list done fast enough. I will regret if I don’t soak it all in and enjoy every single moment this weekend and every other moment of life. If not, it will pass me by and I will be sitting here with a pile of regrets instead of a pile of memories.
Oh and as I was writing this my younger cousin text me and asked if he and a friend could come up this weekend. My initial reaction was “Holy moly, 2 more people?!” And that quickly faded because I LOVE that he comes here, love spending time with him, he is like a younger brother to me. So yes, come on up! The more the merrier!
The finished product is and will always be amazing. The process can be just as great too!
Buoyancy 